dnkspks

I came home to an empty apartment, a dark one at that, took off my shoes and turned on the living room light, like any other night. Threw my bag against the wall, took off my bra, took off my socks, took off my pants, threw them on the bed. Opened the door to the patio, stood 200 feet in the air, leaned my head over the railing, and let the tear drop, just a single tear drop, fall. Felt a breeze blow the tear across my cheek before it found it’s way off my chin. I was silent the whole time, not a whimper, just a shaking body fighting for warmth with soldier-hairs at attention, standing tall. I didn’t notice it was below 0º, though. I lost my sense of time, sense of who I was, where I was. I could only feel, without understanding why or how, how I felt. It was the only thing going on in my life. I couldn’t even tell you how I knew what I was doing at work, how I was functioning. It was as if I shut off, but my body kept going, it knew what it was doing, routine. I was somewhere else though. I was just off. Gone. Had nothing to say. I couldn’t speak. No thoughts or sentences were able to form, I was blank. I stared into space, I was weak. The only thing I knew I was doing, the only thing I knew was happening, the only thing I was focusing on, was letting the tear drop fall. Letting him escape.