I’m laying in bed, on my stomach, staring into space at 2:36 am, feeling the need to document this moment because it feels important. I’m wondering, where do I begin? I know I would like to start new. I’m trying to figure out what should be my first move in order to prepare for a mysterious journey, I’m hoping, will take me somewhere I can find myself at peace with myself and the world. I’m wondering if it is selfish of me to focus solely on myself while I try to learn and discover. I feel as though there is a lot on my plate, a lot I’d give up, without even knowing if it’ll be worth it. Also, I’m way too inconsistent and my moods are completely unpredictable. One moment I want this and it’s completely possible, the next moment everything is wrong and I’m completely incapable of such a thing. One moment I’m infatuated and debilitated, the next moment I’m independent with a huge sense of motivation and eagerness.
I’m wondering, will I lose myself by becoming selfless? Will I still be me if I’m at-peace with everything and everyone?
Here I am with a headache, swollen eyes, trying to figure this out. Sometimes things become scary and over-whelming, I’d like to one day see past that and see the good without feeling like I’m cheating myself.
